A good LGBTQ+ wedding script uses the same bones as any ceremony (welcome, readings, vows, rings, pronouncement) and fills them with the couple’s own names, words and story. The work is not swapping “husband and wife” for something neutral. It is asking the couple what they call each other, what they want said aloud, and what they want left out. This guide gives you the order, the wording choices, sample lines you can adapt, and a way to prepare so you deliver the ceremony calmly.
TL;DR
- Start with the couple, not a template: ask how they refer to each other, their pronouns, and the tone they want before you write a line.
- The usual order still works: processional, welcome, readings, vows, rings, pronouncement, recessional. Each part is easy to personalize.
- Replace gendered phrases with words the couple chooses, such as “partners,” “spouses,” “married couple” or their own terms.
- Marriage is legal for same-sex couples across the United States, but license rules vary by state and county, so confirm them with the local clerk.
- Rehearse the names, the pronunciation and the pronouncement out loud before the day.
Table of Contents
- What an LGBTQ+ wedding script includes
- Start with the couple’s story and language
- Inclusive wording that replaces gendered phrases
- Sample wording for the welcome, vows, rings and pronouncement
- Readings, traditions and personal stories
- Legal basics every officiant should know
- Prepare, rehearse and deliver with confidence
- Our perspective
- Writing the script in OrdainedPro
- FAQ
- Sources
What an LGBTQ+ wedding script includes
Most couples, whatever their gender, want a ceremony with a recognizable shape. A traditional ceremony outline runs through the processional, welcome, introduction, readings, the officiant’s address, vows, ring exchange, kiss, an optional unity ritual, closing remarks and the recessional. A streamlined LGBTQ+ ceremony guide trims that to processional, welcome, readings, vows, rings (and any unity ceremony), pronouncement and recessional.
That shorter version is a good default if you are writing your first script. Religious ceremonies are more prescribed. The United Church of Christ’s inclusive Order for Marriage, for example, is written for any marriage regardless of gender and includes prayer, Scripture, a declaration of intention, a pledge of support, covenant vows, an exchange of symbols and a blessing. If the couple belongs to a faith community with its own order, follow what that community expects and do not improvise rites you are not authorized to perform.
For a deeper look at each part, our guide to the wedding ceremony order explains what every section is for.
| Ceremony part | What it does | LGBTQ+ personalization |
|---|---|---|
| Processional | Brings the couple and wedding party in | Walk together, enter from opposite sides, or use any wedding party mix |
| Welcome | Sets the tone and names why everyone is here | Use the couple’s terms for their relationship |
| Readings | Adds voices from family and friends | Choose with the readers, not for them |
| Vows | The promises themselves | Personal vows or neutral “spouse” or “partner” wording |
| Rings | Symbols of the promise | Equal, mirrored exchange |
| Pronouncement | Announces the marriage | Their chosen phrase, not a default |
| Recessional | Leads everyone out in celebration | Music and order of exit chosen by the couple |
Start with the couple’s story and language
The biggest difference between a script that moves people and one that feels like a form letter is what you learn before you type. Spend a conversation, or a questionnaire, on these:
- Names and pronouns: What names will you use on the day, and how are they pronounced? Are there family members who use different names?
- Terms for the relationship: Partner, spouse, husband, wife, fiancé, “my person”? Each person may choose differently.
- How they met and what they have been through: Which parts of the story do they want shared with guests, and which are private?
- Family and guests: Who is fully supportive, and who may be uncomfortable? Are there guests who do not know a partner’s history or identity?
- Faith and culture: Which traditions do they want to include, and who can guide the officiant on them?
- Tone: Funny, solemn, short, spiritual, secular?
Our list of questions a wedding officiant should ask a couple is a good place to start, and our interfaith questions help when two traditions are meeting at one altar.
Pro Tip: Ask each partner separately how they want to be described in the ceremony, then compare notes. People are sometimes more candid when their partner is not in the room, and you will catch small differences before they surface at the microphone.
Watch Out: Never assume the audience knows everything about the couple. If a guest does not know a partner is trans or nonbinary, or if a family member is only partly supportive, ask the couple what should and should not be said aloud. A ceremony is not the place for surprises.
Inclusive wording that replaces gendered phrases
The phrases that trip officiants up are old formulas: “I now pronounce you husband and wife,” “Who gives this woman,” “man and wife.” Options exist for each, and the couple chooses.
One gender-inclusive wedding guide suggests greeting guests as “everyone” or “folks,” and for the kiss, “You may now kiss each other” or “You may now seal your marriage with a kiss.”
Here are choices you can offer the couple:
- Greeting: “Welcome, everyone.” “Friends and family.” “Loved ones.”
- Declaration of intent: “Do you, [Name], take [Name] to be your spouse (or partner, or husband, or wife) …”
- Pronouncement: “I now pronounce you married.” “I now pronounce you spouses for life.” “I now pronounce you partners in marriage.” Or leave the labels out and simply say they are married.
- Giving away: Skip it, or ask “Who supports this marriage?” and invite family and friends to answer together.
- Kiss: “You may now kiss.” Some couples prefer a hug, a dance or nothing at all. Ask.
Match the language to each person, not to the pair. If one partner says “husband” and the other says “spouse,” your script can honor both.
Sample wording for the welcome, vows, rings and pronouncement
Use these as raw material, not as a finished script. Replace the brackets with names and add one or two details only this couple has.
Welcome
“Welcome, everyone, to the celebration of love between [Partner 1] and [Partner 2]. Today we gather to witness their commitment to each other and to support them as they begin this journey together.”
This is close to the welcome in the JB Weddings sample script. Add a sentence about how they met, or something their friends say about them, and it becomes theirs.
Vows
If the couple wants a traditional-sounding question and answer, neutral wording works well:
“[Name], do you take [Name] to be your lawfully wedded spouse, to honor and cherish them through good times and bad?”
The answer is “I do,” or “I will.” For couples who write their own, the best prompts are specific: What do you promise on an ordinary Tuesday? What do you admire that you have not said out loud? What will you keep doing, and what will you stop? Two or three short promises beat a long speech.
If the couple is nervous, offer repeat-after-me vows you write together, in short lines of a dozen words or fewer so they can say them through happy tears.
Rings
“These rings are symbols of your love and commitment. As you place them on each other’s fingers, remember the promises you have made today.”
Keep the exchange mirrored. The UCC order models equal participation: each person gives the other a symbol as a sign of love and faithfulness and receives one in return. If the couple wants a unity ritual, our sand unity ceremony kit is one simple, wordless option.
Pronouncement
“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you married. You may kiss!”
If the couple would rather use “spouses” or “partners” or their own words, use theirs. Say it slowly. The pronouncement is the line guests will remember, and the couple will hear it in their heads for years.
For more full-length models you can adapt, see our modern wedding ceremony script and the ceremony script guides.
Readings, traditions and personal stories
Readings are where a couple’s identity can really show. Choose them with the people who will read them. A friend who loves poetry, a sibling who writes songs, a grandparent who wants to say a blessing in another language: each of these makes the ceremony richer than a reading chosen by committee. The UCC order notes that readings can come from the presider, family or the wedding party, and that ethnic traditions, local customs and music can all be considered.
Autostraddle’s ceremony-planning guidance adds three useful ideas: choose readings with the readers themselves, invite the community to take part through a reading or a group vow, and select religious or cultural rituals deliberately from the couple’s own traditions rather than borrowing another culture’s.
A few practical principles:
- Use traditions the couple actually holds. If a partner’s family has a blessing, a tea ceremony, a broken glass or a cord, ask the family how it is done and who should lead it.
- Do not invent rituals or claim religious authority. If a rite belongs to a faith you are not authorized to represent, invite a clergy member or elder to lead that portion.
- Name the people who are missing. Some couples want a moment for a parent or friend who has died. Keep the language simple and ask permission first.
- Say a little about the community. For many LGBTQ+ couples, the guests are chosen family. A line acknowledging that can mean a great deal.
- Keep it short. Two readings of a minute each usually fit well in a ceremony of 20 to 30 minutes.
Legal basics every officiant should know
This is education, not legal advice. The Supreme Court’s 2015 decision in Obergefell v. Hodges extended the fundamental right to marry to same-sex couples under the Fourteenth Amendment, as the American Bar Association explains. That is the federal rule. Everything else is local.
A marriage license is what legally permits a couple to marry, and a marriage certificate proves the marriage, according to USAGov. The same page says most licenses expire between 30 days and a year after issue, depending on the state, so ask the couple to confirm the deadline with the issuing office.
Whether you can legally solemnize the wedding, whether you must register, and what you must file afterward depend on the state and sometimes the county. Before you accept the booking:
- Check your ordination status and any registration your state or county asks for. USAGov lists state government contacts to help you find the right office.
- Call the county clerk where the license will be issued and ask what they require of an officiant.
- Learn how and when the signed license is returned.
- Keep copies of your own ordination paperwork. Our guide to wedding officiant documents lists what to bring.
Free online ordination and digital certificates are available through Ministries of Love. Whether a particular state accepts that ordination is something you confirm with the clerk, not something to assume.
Watch Out: Never tell a couple “you’re legal” until the license is filed. Officiants who confirm the paperwork early rarely have problems on the day.
Prepare, rehearse and deliver with confidence
Writing is half the job. Delivery is the other half. A few habits make an enormous difference:
- Confirm names and pronunciation in writing. Record the couple saying their names if you can.
- Print the script in a large, readable font and keep it in a tidy binder.
- Read it aloud at least three times, once standing, with the pronouncement at full volume.
- Check the microphone and who will hold it during vows.
- Step aside for photos after the kiss and the signing.
- Pack for surprises: pens, tissues, water, a spare copy of the script. Our officiant emergency kit covers what to bring.
The processional is flexible. Brides.com notes that couples can enter together, use two brides or two grooms, mix the wedding party, or otherwise adjust the entrance. Go over it at the rehearsal so nobody wonders where to stand. Our wedding rehearsal checklist walks through that run-through, and the first-time officiant checklist covers the rest.
Our perspective
We built OrdainedPro because most officiants do not struggle with grammar. They struggle with not knowing the couple well enough to write something true. That is especially so when the couple is LGBTQ+ and the officiant, a friend or relative, worries about saying the wrong thing. A script generator that fills in two names will not solve that. Questions will.
So we start with the story: who these two people are, how they speak about each other, what traditions they bring and what tone they want. Then the officiant writes in their own voice with that raw material in front of them. The couple’s words lead, and the template follows.
Our advice is plain. Ask more than you think you need to. Let the couple choose every label. Use what they hold dear and leave out what they do not. Check the legal steps with the clerk. Then rehearse until the pronouncement feels like yours to say.
— Daniel Salerno
Writing the script in OrdainedPro
If you want guidance while you write, OrdainedPro’s guided questions help you gather the couple’s names, stories, traditions and tone, then draft a personalized ceremony in your own voice. You can also browse ceremony scripts for officiants. The Aspirant plan is $14.95 one-off and the Professional plan is $39.95 per month, and the pricing page shows what each includes. Your first wedding does not need a subscription: the questions and samples in this article are enough to begin.
FAQ
What do you say instead of “husband and wife”?
Ask the couple. Common choices include “married,” “spouses,” “partners in marriage,” or the specific terms each person uses, such as “husband” for one and “spouse” for the other. A simple “I now pronounce you married” works for almost everyone.
Is the ceremony different for a same-sex couple?
The structure is usually the same: welcome, readings, vows, rings and pronouncement. What changes is the language and the traditions, which should reflect the couple instead of a bride-and-groom model. Some couples also drop customs like giving away or change the processional.
Can a friend get ordained online and officiate an LGBTQ+ wedding?
In many places, yes, but rules differ by state and county. Confirm with the county clerk that your ordination is accepted, ask what registration or filing is required, and keep your paperwork with you on the day.
How long should an LGBTQ+ wedding ceremony script be?
Most run 15 to 30 minutes, which is roughly 1,500 to 3,000 spoken words with readings and vows. Shorter ceremonies suit micro weddings, and our micro wedding script shows one approach.
Should I mention that the couple is LGBTQ+ in the ceremony?
Only if the couple wants it. Some want to celebrate their community and history openly, and others want a ceremony that simply celebrates their love. Ask what they would like guests to hear.
Sources
- The Ultimate Wedding Ceremony Outline (Brides)
- LGBTQ+ Wedding Ceremony Script & Readings (JB Weddings)
- Order For Marriage, United Church of Christ
- The Ultimate Guide to the Wedding Processional Order (Brides)
- 5 Phrases to Rework to Have a Gender Inclusive Wedding
- How To Plan a Lesbian Wedding Ceremony (Autostraddle)
- American Bar Association: Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity
- USAGov: Marriage certificates and licenses
- USAGov: State governments